2015 In Review

So I made it another year. Hooray!

In every good New Year's blog, I'm going to tell you the Top 10 things that happened this year.

1. I made it to my 1-year work anniversary at Best Buy.
2. I became a runner…ish. I completed three 5ks.
3. I lost a bunch of weight.
4. I lost some important people in my life - both my death and distance.
5. I moved into an apartment alone. The first time I've lived alone in 24 years. It is awesome.
6. I bought a car.
7. I got a nephew.

8. I traveled on both the east and west coasts.
9. I went through my first real breakup.
10. I celebrated  my Golden Birthday.

As you can see, not all of them were great. Actually, I would say a fourth of my year was me breaking down, figuring out the next step, and praying that I make it out alive.

And, I did. Hooray!

I'm so thankful for all my friends and family that stuck it out with me.
Here's to a great 2016.

~T

Part Two: Mental Health

It's Mental Health time - Part Two of how to reach overall health.

I just need a disclaimer - I'm no expert on this part either.
As a matter of fact, I'm probably overly emotional. A "high feeler" as some would say.

Mental health is so complex - anything can shift your view on life.
- a bad eating day
- a bad work day
- a bad customer service day
- a terrible email reply
- a day you're bloated
- a day you're tired

You get my point.

But my four ways to maintain my mental health are relatively simple...or so one would think.
All throughout my life, I've struggled with each part of these.

First, my church puts it in good perspective, you need four to seven like-minded people to hang out with. Now, that's not saying you should dismiss any acquaintances, anybody who needs a friend, or hanging out with people.

What it does mean, is you need find four to seven friends that you can turn to about anything.
Your work struggles.
Your boy struggles.
Your mom struggles.
Your work successes.
Your boy happiness.
Your mom love.

I have found this helps the most, because you can bounce ideas off of them.
These should be friends that tell you exactly what's up.
"Don't go back to your ex."
"Don't eat that piece of pizza"
"Come drink some wine with me."
They're also friends that know exactly when you need a hug.

The next two go hand in hand.
Me Time and God Time.
Those two independent times will leave you refreshed and redefined.
You can evaluate where you're struggling and spend time talking to the One who totally gets you.
You will be able to find the pearls of solitude and peace that being with people just can't give you.
Even as an extrovert, I find it extremely important to have that time.
Even if it's sitting with a glass of wine and a book or in a coffee shop with your Bible.
Get off your phone and get your thoughts together.

My final point is to learn.
Read, read to learn.
Travel, travel to explore.
Do something that will make you grow as a person.

When I first moved to the Twin Cities two and a half years ago, I was so naive. I had no clue how to get from point A to point B. I didn't know there were restaurants here and no where else. I had no clue that getting four miles across the city could take up to 45 minutes in the morning.

But I read up on the city. I joined a church, I joined Facebook groups, I joined social groups, I went with friends and networked. And I learned. Then I was able to navigate.

Ask anyone. The person I was two and a half years ago is definitely not the person I am today. It's part of maturing and growing. It's learning.

This winter, this has been by most unhealthy part.
But I'm working on it. Especially the Me/God Time.
It's a process.

<3XOT

Part One: Physical Health

As promised, to myself, I am going to break down the different kinds of health that you need to keep your body completely healthy.

I just need to put a disclaimer in here that I'm by no means a professional or good at any of it.
But I want to be, and that's what matters.

If you missed the word vomit blog that I posted at 2am the other, you can read it here.

So because I'm not mentally stable by any means this week, we're not going to start with that one.
Hello Holidays!!
Let's go with the physical health portion.

For me, there are two things that make up physical health: Food and exercise.
It has been nearly six weeks since I started my adventure into clean eating and strength training thank to Arbonne, Almond Buttered Abs, and my adventure partner ;)

First, I started the Arbonne 28-day Clean Eating Challenge.
It has been almost 6-weeks since I've had gluten, dairy, refined sugars, or fruit.
And that's ok, in that time I've lost all my cravings and have no desire to eat poorly again.

Let me take that back, I do want a cheeseburger - and I got one this weekend.
But I know how food fuels my body now and so I'm going to use that red meat, carbs and fat to power my workout Sunday morning before church.

Ok, so that's the thing. It's not about taking things out of my diet, it's about eating things that serve me. And that's step one to physical health.
You've got to put food in that will give you fuel.
You've got to put food in that's not processed or fake.
You've got to put your mind to it, suck it up, and just do it.

Secondly, I've started working out.
Like über working out.
I have friends with 6-packs. Both guys and girls.
Ok ok, it's not about the look, but it's fun to work towards.

My big goal is to run a marathon.
Probably like next year.
Which means I need to continue to train.
Grow muscles, grow endurance, burn the crazy.

What that is going to entail is a lot of obsession.
Not eating the same things at Christmas.
Working out each day I get the chance.
And when people scoff at me or tell me it'll never last, I must keep my chin up, run to my support system and use it as a time to reach my goals.

When it comes to obsession, I'm sure it seems a little unhealthy.
So am I harming myself by obsessing…I'm not sure...

Then I was running and was playing the Substance Church podcast from "Healthy Holiday" and part one was about how to worship God with your body.
That He actually asks up and shows us the way to worship through fitness.
And that you need a few good friends to push you to worship through fitness.
Listen to it here.

It's been an amazing journey over the past six weeks.
No matter how many waves of health I've gone through, this journey has been tremendously different than any of the others.
I'm hoping to keep this up.
With some good food and good support.

<3XOT

Overall Health - Can I Really Be Superwoman?

You know when you have a million things on your mind?
And you have a million things on your to do list?
And you have a bunch of people relying on you?

How do you do it all?
How do you become superwoman?

You take care of yourself.
You take care of your physical health.
You take care of your mental health.
You take care of your spiritual health.

I look back at last week and I sing "This Girl is on Fire" at the top of my lungs. My week consisted of coordinating for a Sunday shoot, prepping for youth group, connecting with friends, working out as often as I can, heading to Duluth for a film festival (and back the same day), and doing a Christmas bar crawl. Among other things.

This week, I ended up losing five more pounds, even though my cleanse is over.
That's the physical health.
I have continued to follow *most of* the rules. I have been eating nighttime snacks and my portion sizes haven't been that great, but I'm continuing to put wonderful foods in my body. And that has allowed me to do wonderful things.

Then, I took the ultimate physical health healing.
I went to my old Landlady, the sweetest woman in all the Twin Cities.
She adjusted me, massaged my knots, and guided me through some relaxing acupuncture.
You can find out more here.

It was a two hour session, where I was there.
No phone, no television, no computer. I was there.
My body was healed from the strain I've been putting on it, both physically and mentally.
My body had a chance to refresh.
Dr. Heidi taught me how and why my muscles felt the way they did and guided me through.

Which helps after weeks like this:
Where it seems like sometimes I'm running out of time.
Like sometimes I'm giving only 90% to someone or splitting my time unfairly.
Like sometimes I'm going to run out of time, or literally run around like a chicken with my head cut off.

The part of the week that I love the most is my connection with friends and loved ones.
That's the mental health.
My friends encourage me. They fight for me. They comfort me. They love me.
My friends help me process what's happening in my life - the good, the bad, the ugly.
My friends make me go out on pub crawls and dance like no one's watching.
My friends give me good food, good times, and good company.

I have heard some great sermons over the last couple weeks that remind me it's ok to not be superwoman and that it doesn't all happen at the same time.
That's the spiritual health.
I also have wonderful people in my life.
People who remind me that God is bigger than any of my tasks.
And I have prayer.
That reminds me that there is someone out there that is so much bigger than I am and has all my goals, to-do lists, projects, meetings, appointments, financials, plans, in His hands.

I'm still busy. I'm still running. I'm still to-do-ing.
But I'm taking care of myself.
I am Superwoman.

<3XOT

PS: I'll be breaking down each of these categories and sharing material that helps us all lead a healthier life!

It's Not Over

I know uber healthy lifestyles aren't for everyone.
I know people don't get why you choose not to eat gluten, or you choose to pass up cookies.
I know that it's hard and sort of expensive.
I know getting to the gym, even three times a week, is hard.
I also know that it works.

This is the difference from when I was at my biggest point in high school - then I got on the clean eating train, exercise became a part of my routine, and I learned how to mentally and physically fuel my body.

The journey I took this past month was another amazing addition to my life.
My 28 days of this Arbonne Cleanse has really paid off.
I got my "Earth Energy" back (I'm coining that phrase, because "clean eating" sounds too mainstream. And also I want to become a hippie.)

If you think that clean eating isn't the biggest part of your health, let me tell you the results.
And, If you don't believe me, this girl knows too.

If you didn't click on that blog above, do it. It's more in depth of what this Arbonne cleanse was.
Check it out.

My results:
1. I lost 11.5 pounds and 8 inches throughout my body. I even went down a pants size, completely.
2. I have energy. Like, lots of energy. Very rarely do I get the 2:00 blues. If I do, it's because I've had little sleep. And I just chug a fizz stick and get on with my day.
3. My body is happy with me. I'm preforming better in the gym and building muscles all over. The Phytosport has hydrated me and the protein powder has helped me recover.

I'll spare you the before and after pictures of me in my underwear, but I'll show you if you care to see! I still have more goals to accomplish, but I'm so happy at my progress.

I wish to remain with these healthy habits and keep my body getting healthier and stronger.
I'll slowly enter the healthy things back in: Fruit, peanut butter, vinegar, soy - minimally.
Then I'll use processed food, dairy, alcohol, and gluten for special occasions.
Why lose this feeling??

No more glass of wine each night, no more late night snacks.
I can't go back to that lifestyle. I've worked too hard and have too many people rooting for me.

Keeping the principles that I learned during my challenge and the info my Arbonne sponsor gave me will be a key to success.
It's going to be a decision I have to make every day when I wake up.
But I'm up for the challenge.

There were so many comments "What CAN you eat?" or "You're no fun." but I know that it's worth it. (And if you follow me on Pinterest, you know theres TONS I can eat.)

I believe I have some great support behind me.

I'm thankful for friends that can understand me and push me to have these healthy habits.
I'm thankful for this amazing body that God has given me.
I'm thankful I will be able to continue to grow stronger and healthier.

Overall, this cleanse was fun and amazing — and it's a wonder what the body can do when you put your heart and soul into it.

<3XOT

Be kind.

This week the story is kindness.

Paris attacks and the whole deal with ISIS has shaken me this week.

World events don't normally get to me. 

I don't normally listen to the news.

But I've been thinking about how much hate is in the world. 

And in me.

I need to be kind. 

The point of this cleanse was to clear everything - mind, body and soul. 

In this book I'm reading "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown, she touches on the point of practicing gratitude. "For those welcoming the experience, the shudder of vulnerability that accompanies joy is an invitation to practice gratitude, to acknowledge how truly grateful we are for the person, the beauty, the connection, or simply the moment before us." 

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in myself and my ways that I forget other people have their own way of doing things, their own way of looking and dressing, and their own way of believing. And that doesn't make them wrong and that doesn't mean I get to hate on them. 

Lately I've not been so kind.

Not to myself or others. 

So I started doing this thing. 

In the mornings, I look in the mirror and I pray "Thank you God for the health that I'm putting into my body, and the health that is coming out. To do good works for You and Your people. Help me to remember to love myself and others today."

And when I forget that mantra and I'm mean, I say "Tricia, be nice. There's enough hate in the world, you don't need to add to it."

Those are the mantra that is reminding me to be whole-hearted and kind. 

It's working. 

I'm starting to be kind. Er. 

I'm still human.

<3XOT

So Fresh and Clean (Clean)

Trying on clothes at the end of the week - a week where you felt lazy, fat, and unfit - isn't always the best time to try on clothes.

But I had to.

And I have gone down a pants size! 

I'm 1/3 the size I was when I graduated high school. 

Well, in the pants at least. 

I'm most excited about this because it's coming off naturally. 

I've been "healthy" for the last 4-5 years. 

I make more health-conscious decisions, exercise for fun, etc.

What started this health kick was my involvement with Arbonne products.

What I like about the products is that they are all natural. No chemicals.

Not only in their nutrition line, but their lotions and cosmetics. 

So most recently, in the last 6 months or so, I've tried to switch my life to a holistic life.

That 80% of the products I use are natural (and certified natural, not labeled).

That most of the food I eat is homemade from the earth, made at a restaurant, or whole foods. 

That the medicine I use is herbal or essential oils. 

I want my life and my body to be pure. 

Some weeks you'll have good weeks, sometimes you won't.

This week was hard for a couple reasons. 

One, I pulled my oblique playing with kids. 

Which is incredibly stupid. 

But when I'm in pain, I don't eat. 

So I didn't eat all my calories for the day because I had no appetite. 

Which led to less energy and more pain. 

Finally, I'm back into it. 

My body is healing.
Naturally.

I'm making intentions to eat all my calories (which, in turn, is all my nutrients) every day. 

I can't wait to see what this week holds.

I can't wait to get back to the gym.

I can't wait to be cleansed and whole. 

It's all a journey, but from my experience the fresh, natural, clean way to do it has been by far the best way for me.

<3XOT

Cleansing takes a Village

I got into health once I got into cooking.
I was able to see what went in to everything I made.
I was able to understand what reactions food had on my body.

And that's why I think I love healthy.
Because I know I am able to cook amazing food that not only tastes good, but it's good for me.

As I prepped my meals tonight, I realized how far I've come this week.
Last week was the first week of my 28-day cleanse.
And it was hard.

The first few days I had caffeine withdrawal headaches.
The next few days I had to keep pushing through not being hungry.
The whole week I had to make sure I was getting all my water, tea, supplements, fiber, protein, vitamins, etc. every day.

But I have the loveliest people in my life.
They are encouraging. Inspirational. Supportive.
They are just superb.

What I am taking away from this week is that no matter how hard life gets, there will be people who are constantly lifting me up. I can talk to them about healthy, recipes, fitness, life, goals, promotions.
What I am taking away from the cleanse - mind, body and soul - is that clearing the negative out of my life has given me energy, positivity, and purpose.

I don't think I'm going to let these people go cause I like this feeling too much.
I just hope they feel about me the way I feel about them.

<3XOT

Ready, Set…Detox

Here I am.
The night before.
Drinking the last of the wine in my house.
The night before.
It all begins.

I'm ready.
I've read the material.
I've got my food, my shakes, my tea, my fizz sticks.
I've got it ready.

I took my pictures.
Gross.
I weighed myself.
Yikes.

Now, it's mind over matter.
I have the materials, I have the plan.
NO cheating.

Cheating ruins it.
Cheating makes it all for nothing.

I can do this.
I will do this.

Stay tuned.
<3XOT

Clean Eating Challenge: Philosophy

Here we go (again) on another Arbonne 28-day Clean Eating Challenge.

I've done these before.
I do these a couple times a year.

It's a restart.
It's a slow down.
It's a redo on my health.

The challenge takes away the six common food allergens (Wheat/Gluten, Dairy, Refined Sugar, Alcohol, Soy and Corn) and replaces them with healthy things (Quinoa, Veggies, Almond Milk, Eggs). The challenge also adds detoxing products that allow your colon, kidneys and other abused intestines to calm the heck down.

So I made some goals.
Never have I written down *WHY* I'm doing these Clean Eating Challenges.
But I did this time.

#1 - Remind myself daily to make healthy choices.
#2 - Lose the crap food cravings.
#3 - Shape up!

I know there will be challenges.
I know there will be obstacles.
I know I will get over them.

#1 - Be prepared with my food, and remember the end goal.
#2 - Have healthy substitutes on hand, and don't put myself in a position to cheat.
#3 - Prioritize. More energy means a better use of time.

And I have a philosophy.
I have a *WHY* not just a *HOW*

#1 - What do I know about food's relation to health? I know that food is fuel. I know that having pure food put in your body helps digest it better, giving you the positive energy you need to stay ahead in the busy life I lead. I know that food isn't a reward or a celebration. It's something that should be enjoyed and something that has potential to give your tastebuds a run for their money.
#2 - How do you hold that knowledge about food and health? I hold it in my head. I *know* what it takes to be healthy. But I don't always act upon it. I hold it to a semi-high standard. I don't always see food as a way to make me healthy, sometimes I see it as a cravings-buster, or sometimes I see it as a way to fill up. I don't always need to be healthy - that's what I hold on to, but that's not what I want.
#3 - How does what I know and how I hold it affect what I do? Most of the time I take a 70/30 approach. Then, as life gets busy, I sleep into a 60/40, 50/50, 40/60 and then when I hit 30/70, i realize that I need to whip myself in shape again. Leading to another detox. Sometimes I just need a healthy reminder to hold on to the things that I know.

That's all for now. My detox starts on November 2nd.
More to come and more knowledge to share with you all.
I'm excited to see where this journey takes me!

<3XOT

The Vulnerability of a Breakup

Guys, I'm going through a break up.
Like, it happened months ago, but I'm still going through it.
There's not an end in sight.

I've processed this with my closest girlfriends and my mom. But somehow nothing really clicked until I watched THIS.

Please watch it first, or you're not going to understand what I'm talking about.

So I've never really been in love before.
I've never given everything that I am to one person before.
And that was on purpose.
I didn't want to be vulnerable.

Now, let's back up one more step.

I'm open.
I'm outgoing.
I'm honest.

But I will not allow myself to be vulnerable.
There is a difference.

Two steps forward.

So I get in this relationship.
I make that connection.
The one that forces me to rethink who I am, and what I want out of life.
The one that kinda knocks me off my feet and I realize that maybe life isn't always about what I write in my planner.
It's a connection that is on the deepest level.
"Connection is why we're here." - Brene

And that's where the vulnerability comes into play.
Brene does a great job of explaining it, so I won't.
But I felt excruciatingly vulnerable the whole relationship (in the negative sense).
I didn't say "I love you" until he said it first.
I didn't suggest things I thought he might not like.
I worked my ass off to be what I thought he wanted out of a girl.
Because if he knew who I really was, he may not like me.

Now that sounds super depressing, yeah?
Well it wasn't like I wasn't being open, outgoing, or honest.
I was just reshaping my thoughts.
I was trying to be someone who was worthy.
I was giving myself a chance to see things from a different perspective.
I was just doing life, without being vulnerable (in the positive sense).

"The one thing that keeps us out of connection, is the fear that we're not worthy of connection."

It's an interesting thing, breakups.
Because they cause you to reflect on what life really is to you.
It forces you to understand who you are without someone by your side.
It challenges you to be ok on your own.
To have no connection, but still be worthy.

That was one battle I faced early on in the breakup.
I tried to justify things; I was too busy, too career driven, too unavailable.
And maybe all that was true.
But it didn't mean I wasn't worthy.

But somehow losing that connection made me feel just like that; unworthy.

Brene spins this around.
And this will be the biggest take away from the last 15 months of my life.
I am worthy.

What does that look like for me now?
Now that I don't have a connection to my ex?
What does that mean for my life?

"To fully embrace vulnerability."
"It's necessary."
"The willingness to say 'I love you' first."
"The willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out."

"I know that vulnerability is kinda the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness.
BUT it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love."

So what is my strategy?
What am I doing with my vulnerability.

Stop numbing it.
Stop feeding my emotion ice cream.
Because that numbs my joy.
Stop drinking the loneliness.
Because it drown the gratitude.

Stop making everything certain.
I'll never know why.
I'll never know how you can stop loving someone (at least not yet).
I'll never have an answer.

Stop perfecting.
My life will never be perfect.
No matter how skinny, smart or pretty I am, that won't bring him back.
Perfection isn't wired into us.
So it won't happen.

Stop pretending.
My attitude affects those around me.
My gossip and pity, is their gossip and pity.
No matter how many times I call him names or say I hate him, it doesn't mean he'll love me.
It means my friends have to roll their eyes one more time.

Do be vulnerable.
To love with my whole heart, even though there's no guarantee.

Do practice gratitude and joy.
To stop thinking the worst and embrace the thankfulness.

Do believe I'm enough.
Be kind and gentle.


I'm not saying this will happen over night.
I'm not saying this will happen over the next month.
But I'm saying it will be worth it.

To find myself in a place where I allow myself to love and be loved again.
To find myself in a place where I can make a mistake and be forgiven.
To find myself in a place where I am worthy of it all.


Sorry for the gibberish.
I hope you watch Brene Brown's video.
It's changed my life, and I hope it changes yours, too.

<3XOT

Oh How the Tables Have Turned

The last time I wrote was March 20th.
March freaking 20th.
That's over two months.

It's probably because I've been filling my extra time with One Tree Hill.
Or maybe it's the insane work schedule, extra curricular activities, and normal life that I was trying to balance.

In those couple of months, I've been striving to be someone I'm not.
I've been striving to be someone who looks fun on Facebook, and sounds fun at a party, and does more than anyone else, just to say I did it.

There was no gain in any of that.

It kinda sent me into a month-long journey.
A journey I didn't know I was on until it was over.
And not that my total journey is over.
I just think I'm done walking down that path.

Down the path of inconsideration.
Down the path of selfishness and self-righteousness.
Down the path of believing my time is more valuable than anyone else's.

Life got out of hand.
I became too busy.
I didn't have time to think of others, talk about others, put other's before me.
Because I was too busy making sure they did that for me.
And too busy making excuses of why they should do that for me.

I made sure they knew what I was saying, and thinking, and making time for me.
Me. Me. Me. I. I. I.

Gosh, I just cringe thinking about how awful it got.

And now my life is upside down.
I'm off my mountain top and back down in the valley.
And things are not neatly aligned liked they should be.

But even through all that, even through the selfishness and self-righteousness, my friends and family drew closer to me than I deserved.
And when I fell down that mountainside, face first, at 100mph, each and every one of them were there to hear me out.

To hear me talk.
About Me. Me. Me. I. I. I.

But like I said, I'm done going down that path.
I needed that reminder of how much I can lose and how amazing my life is the way it is.
That I don't need to strive to be someone I'm not.

So now, I'm moving forward.
Now, I'm taking those lessons and I'm moving forward.

And I don't know how that's going to change my future.
I don't know what God has in store for me.
I don't know how long it's going to recover from this journey.

But I know I'm done walking it.
I'm done living in this selfish way.
And I'm getting back to where I was.

Because that girl is alright by me.

<3XOT

Balanced.

In my current state of life, the common theme has been balance.

Balance at work.
Balance at home.
Balance with friends.
Balance with activities.
Balance with diet.
Balance with fitness.

I am out of balance.
I've taken on too much. I've given too much to certain people. I've not done enough.
I am out of balance.

And I was thinking about that. I was thinking about how overwhelmed I am. I was thinking that the teeter-tatter was very one sided. And it depended on the subject to what side was up and what side was down.

Then the most miraculous thing happened. I finally had a breakthrough to let the recovery begin.

I was at yoga one Monday night and my instructor (and good friend, little Miss Anna!) ended our practice by saying -- What can you take away from this practice of balance that you can move into your every day life? (Or something to that affect, I don't remember verbatim).
And it got me thinking, in yoga, to stay balanced, you have to use all your muscles.
My favorite right now (and the one pose I'm working towards mastering) is crow pose.

In crow pose, you balance on your arms. But if you use only your arms, you fall over.
You have to have the proper eye alignment, you have to hold your abs, you have to engage your legs, back, and even feet. Or, you fall over.

In my life, I wasn't using balance. I wasn't engaging all parts of my life to move from day to day.
I was thinking:
Monday, yoga.
Tuesday, date night.
Wednesday, Verve.
Thursday, Connect.
Friday, clean up my house.
Saturday, editing, bills, scheduling.
Sunday, sleep.
And that's just the extra things. And all these extra things come with their own set of responsibilities, planning, and action. And when I tried to divide each one into it's own certain day, I fell over.

Then, that one precious night at yoga got me thinking about how I can use the different parts of my life to work together. To feed off of each other. How can my Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday set me up for a great second half of the week? How can my Saturday, Sunday, set me up for a fruitful Monday?

First, I think that comes from delegation. Delegating certain tasks to certain people. Not trying to do it all by myself. That's why I'm on TEAMS, because other people want to help, and are capable of helping. I need to be able to look at something and see it for what it is. Not get attached, not get emotional about it. Other people can help. And I need to have faith in them.
Second, I think it comes from letting out what needs to be said. I do a good job of talking, but I also do a great job of bottling things up. I let is swirl around in my head until the "perfect time" before I say it. And, SURPRISE, there is no perfect time. So it never gets said. And I just think about it. I just let it eat away at me. And it makes me more emotional, and more resentful, and I tend to eat a lot more and sleep a lot less.
Thirdly, I think I need to go with the flow. I need to be able to say yes when it's good and no when it's not. If someone asks to go out and have fun, I need to not immediately turn to my calendar to see if I have the time. I need to just go do it. And enjoy life. But I also need to know that I can't stay out til midnight every day and expect to be worth anything at work. I need to know that I can say yes, I'll do something every evening during the week and think I can cram all of my personal stuff into the weekend, when I'm so tired all I want to do is relax.
Lastly, I need to be aware of what will benefit me and what will harm me. Emotional eating = hurt. Cake pops at the department meeting = beneficial. Losing sleep to workout = hurt. Running by the lake = beneficial. This last one is especially true in my food and exercise world. Because I'm very much an emotional eater and very much a lazy person. I need to find the balance between making my body feel good and just stuffing it full of hamburgers and beer.

I'm in no way perfect at this. As a matter of fact, I'd say I'm making about 5% headway on these action plans. But I have created such a hole that 5% is really good.

5% means I'm so much farther from where I started.
5% means I've started.

Where can you find more balance in your life?
How can you learn to use all your muscles in your life?

I'm sure everyone has a different answer.
But I'm going to try to improve on these four things this summer.

<3XOT

Follow Your Passions

I've really been thinking about what my passions are lately.

Like, the ice breaker question when someone asks me what my hobbies are.
My normal answer is work. Because I really like what I do.
But then they ask "No, like in your free time."
And then I make up something like swimming or running or cooking or baking.
Which I like to do, but never really thought that it was a hobby.

But lately I've been thinking. And I think that to have a hobby, you must be passionate about it.
So maybe all those years I was just thinking I had no hobbies, but I just had some passions.

Although some things changed a little, I would say my passions are relatively the same and I've been so privileged to get to put those to work. My passions are:
1. Media
2. High Schoolers
3. Cooking
4. Outdoors

Christine, Me, Emma - making VerveCreative grow <3

I've only lived in Minnesota for 18 months. Can you believe that? It's felt like a lifetime.
But I've been able to connect and get involved with my church and other people and create lasting relationships. Through that, I've been able to LIVE MY PASSIONS.

In this fast-paced world, that's so hard for so many people to do. They always say "I want to do this…" or "I wish I had time for that…" But, I just decided that I was going to go all in and do it. And the results have been fantastic.

This past weekend, I got to go up for a day and and play with the Verve Youth Group, as they experienced God mixed with fun. Not only did I get to go down a snow tube for the first time (and walk up the giant hill), but I got to take cameras with me. Outside, I mostly did GoPro work, but inside, I got to grab the 5D and shoot away. Even though I was dead tired, it was an experience that brightened my whole day.

On top of that, every other Thursday, I meet with a Connect Group and we talk about the sermon from the previous week at church. It's so awesome to see what kind of people come together and the conversations are endless. (Literally, we force ourselves to separate at 11pm…) That fills me so much, but I also get to cook for these people every week.
And if you know me at all, I love being able to feed people. I regularly say "I wish I could feed the world." And I'm working on that.

Among so many other things…dinners with friends, coffee with friends, running around the lakes, laying out by the lakes, visiting different places with people…I've been able to fuel my passions and really thrive in this city.

I have an endless list of people who I'm thankful for making this happen (#1 is my mom) and it's so encouraging to get to be part of these groups and do what I love every week, and every day for that matter.

If you feel stuck or you're struggling to find where you belong, I dare you to follow your passions…and maybe turn them into hobbies…find time for what YOU want to do and what makes YOU happy. I promise you great things will come of it. Great people will come of it. And you will be able to look back and say that you tried.

<3XOT

My Food List

So because I've been a million different directions these last few weeks, I can't think of anything direct to say. Which causes problems when you're trying to write a blog.

But, throughout the weeks, I've been privileged to cook for many people.
Again, it's too scattered to make a direct post.
But awesome and tasty, nonetheless.
And each time I made something I thought - I should blog about that - and then never did.
So here I am.

And like any stereotypical blogger, I'm going to make a list.
A list of all my yummy food.
And maybe some pictures.

1. Veggie Chili - PALEO
- I LOVED this, friends loved this, man friend loved this
- I used my own Penzeys Spices instead of the ones on this recipe

2. Coconut Lemon Bars - GLUTEN FREE/DAIRY FREE
- I don't normally love lemon, but I liked these
- I used coconut sugar instead of white, so it made them darker, but still worked
3. Sugar Cookies - GLUTEN FREE/DAIRY FREE
- Unless you really have these allergies, I wouldn't recommend these
- I used too much baking soda AND baking powder, but they were still really crumbly and dry

4. Chicken Kale Veggie Soup - PALEO
- I don't like kale, but I ate this
- I don't like kale, but I ate this again
5. Chocolate Chip Cookies - GLUTEN FREE
- I LOVED these
- I used dairy free butter and it worked just as well
6. Pistachio Pesto Chicken Spaghetti Squash Pasta (out of my OMG that's Paleo cookbook)
- Kinda love forever
- First time using spaghetti squash

7.  Carrot and Coconut Soup (out of my Trader Joe's cookbook)

- Yummm 

- First time using yellow curry

8. Chickpea chicken and potato soup (out of my Trader Joe's cookbook)
- LOVED it
- simple and easy

Follow some of these links and check out these other blogs.
Most of these are paleo and gluten-free and totally healthy.
Most of them take no time to make.

Share food with the world, I promise this will make you happy.
<3XOT

I Am Not A Tree.

I wear heels and lipstick most days.
My favorite activities are yoga and cooking.
I eat spinach and quinoa.
I cuss and drink wine.

I'm doing a job I love.
I'm volunteering with my church.
I'm in two, well one and a half, leadership roles.
I put in 12 hour days, most days.
I've got a great group of friends.

If anyone would've told me five years ago that all this would be true. I would have laughed in their face. Five years ago, I wanted nothing but to move to New York to be the next Diane Sawyer. I wanted to be a new anchor for a morning show and live in a big city and get out of small town Indiana. I never wanted kids, pets, marriage, or anything that could slow me down.

My perspective has really changed over the last couple years. Well, mostly the last two. I have done a 360 on how I view the world, my life, and the people around me. It's taken some time and a lot of soul searching - I still regularly have break downs and epiphanies - but I'm working on opening my mind, body, soul…and heart…to whatever life will throw my way.

I wanted to share with you the Top Five things I've come to realize over the last few years.
In no particular order.

1. On living in the moment: It's always a journey. Nothing is now, because as soon as it happens, it's gone. And then we start looking to the past. It's more of a balance that I'm striving for.

2. On food: Food is poison or it is fuel. You have to choose how you're going to let it affect your body - for good or harm.

3. On growth: Never be afraid to ask why. People know far more than me in some areas, but I know far more than them in others. It's not a bad thing to want to learn.

4. On family: Near or far, doing anything for them is how you should live. Even if they don't do anything for you.

5. About relationships: People are going to test your patience. They will fail you. They will send your mind in a fit. People are human — and they're going to act like it.

Now obviously that's a very all-inclusive, vague list. But it's things that I've battled with for years, and even recently. It's a constant desire to better myself and others around me. I am constantly changing. Life is constantly changing. And I want to enjoy the ride.

But please don't tell my mom I like spinach.

<3XOT

Work Out(Fit)

Recently, I started working for the man.
Just kidding. Kinda. I got into the corporate world.
Which is a little strange because I still work in production.

But it was, like, the most perfect position for me.
I could be in my free-spirited industry, but have all the rules and regs that come with a business.
It was a dream come true.

Then someone asked me, "What are you going to wear on your first day?"
Gasp!! I didn't know.
I had never had a professional job like this before.
I was privileged to have worked in casual environments post-college. I never had to think about what I was wearing.
But now I was going to have to look the part of a professional.
Every. Single. Day.

So, I started Pinning. What else is a girl to do?
I wanted to find a style that was uniquely my own (sweats and a t-shirt??) but mix it with the professional suit and tie.
So I started experimenting.

Felicity Smoak has become my spirit animal.
She's basically everyone's dream crime-fighting secretary.
I love it.

Just take a gander HERE to see what I mean.

So anyway, my style has become quite the fun little game to play.
I find a picture on Pinterest that I like, then I try to recreate it, only putting my spin and style on it.
It helps me stay in the professional mindset, while also being myself.

Here's one of my favorite dresses to wear.
It's got a cool story that goes along with it, but ask me later cause it's really not that important.

Please ignore the smudges and messy room. 

Working in a huge office building(s) gives me lots of ideas, because I see so many people every day that have such good style.
I'm excited to see what other outfits I can come up with. If you have any ideas, send them my way!!

<3XOT

Goal Post (See what I did there?)

How do you make a goal?

Normally, I just find something that I want to look forward to and make a path that leads up to it.
Like, I want to run a 5K, so I find a workout plan that will help me reach that goal.
Or, I want to go to South Dakota to visit a friend, so I start saving my money.

But it's always a destination.
There's always an end.
My goal gets completed.
I can check it off my list.

So, what happens when you have a list already full of fun things, not just goals, per se?
How do you make goals to look forward to, when you already have so much in your future that's going to make you happy?

It's got me thinking - how I do make a goal?
An attainable goal? One that will benefit my life?

For starters, I asked myself four questions:
1. How do I stop making excuses to reach that goal?
2. What does it look like to be "healthy" in my life, in relation to this goal?
3. Where are my finances going to go to support this goal?
4. Where/what do I need to sacrifice in order to better myself or others?

The next step is to figure out what part of my life I can really improve by setting another goal.
It could be my physical self, or maybe my spiritual self.
But regardless of what I choose, if I keep it within this frame of mind, and answer those four questions, I know my life will be better once I reach that goal.

<3XOT

It's A Lifestyle

So my dad sent me this article this morning. He wasn't passing judgment, he just had bought me a Paleo cookbook and wanted to educate me about what I'm getting myself into. However, from using Arbonne products and doing their detoxes already a couple times, and my copious hours on Pinterest, I've got plenty of info in my arsenal. It never hurts to have more, though. It's a pretty basic read, so if you don't know what paleo is, read it.

But here was my response:

Don’t those symptoms seem gross?!?!? Leaky gut. Just the name of it makes me want to eat paleo for the rest of my life!!! But I realize that’s not the reality I live in. I have fast food joints at my fingertips, restaurants that make cheeseburgers with the cheese already inside, and a boyfriend whose main dish is Pizza Rolls. 

As I sit here sipping on my coffee (from my badass Captain America mug, thanks Molly)(coffee is against the Paleo diet), I’ll be the first to say I never do a diet 100%. The Autoimmune Paleo Diet is one that is strict and restrictive on your intake of food. No grains?? Not even quinoa. No coffee?? How do I wake up in the morning. No cheese?? Kill me now. 

But moderation, now that’s not too much to ask. I can do moderation. In fact, since college, I’ve been working really hard to stay at a moderate intake of food. (And I’ve lost 50lbs since graduating high school…bet you didn’t know it was that much.) Kinda trying to live by the 80/20 principle. Where 80% of the time, I eat healthy. It’s like when I cook food at home, I try to make it clean and/or paleo. Which does get kinda difficult and sometimes wastes food, because I never get around to eating it, or there’s just too much for me to eat by myself and we’re limited on space. (Speaking of, if you have any ideas where I can get a legit spice rack to put all my wonderful spices, let me know!!) Then, 20% of the time, when I go out with friends, or out for the weekend, then I feel like I can splurge and eat a little unhealthy and not feel guilty for “breaking a diet” – because it’s my lifestyle, not a diet. 

Like I said, I’m not perfect and there’s no rhyme or rhythm to my life right now. So it’s hard to say exactly what I’m going to eat. But, I know I’m going to be cooking from home with great ingredients, because I can trust that. Like this: http://paleomg.com/crockpot-coffee-ancho-chile-short-ribs/ - doesn’t that look hella good??? Yeah!! 

The other side of any intake of food is how you’re going to expense the energy that it gives you. Since November, I’d been busy with The Wedding (yes, it deserves to be a proper noun, because of all the life it sucked out of me, but damn was it a beautiful day!!) so I wasn’t working out and I ate out probably 75% of my meals. 75%!!! Holy cow, I feel it. I’m dense, I’m sore, I’m tired, I’m greasy and blobbish. And I’m 100% sure that comes from poor eating and no exercise. So, I joined a gym, a yoga group, and signed up for a 5K. I will probably only go about 3x’s a week, but that’s ok. I don’t have to be a psycho workouter, that’s unrealistic. But even 3x’s a week can make me feel better. 

It’s not always about what diet you’re on. It’s got to be a lifestyle. And more than cooking strictly from my OMG That’s Paleo?? cookbook, I’ve got to put good things in my body and workout. I need cheat days where I have a bowl of cookie dough and a bottle of wine by my side. And I need days where I’m so stressed I need to run 5 miles on the treadmill just to calm down and use up some energy. For me, it’s not about weight or abs or following a fad. It’s feeling better and looking better…from the inside out. 

So THAT’s why I like Paleo, and that’s why I asked for the cookbook. It encourages me to be 80% good to my body. And that’s 80% more positive energy and vibes that I’ll be able to give back to my friends and family. So no, I’m not “Paleo” or “Gluten-Free” or any other diet that’s going on. I’m me. And I’m healthy.

I just kinda want to make that a PSA. I know I'm always talking about food and what I want to be doing, but I think it's so important to have information on why you're doing what you're doing. Especially when it comes to your body. So thanks for that, dad. You gave me a reason to write again.

<3XOT