Understandings.

I can't help thinking about the old Disney show "Camp Rock".
You know the one that stars the Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato?

I guess why I keep thinking about it is one of the songs that she sings.
The lyrics say - "This is real. This is me. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now. Gonna let the light shine on me. Now I've found who I am. There's no way to hold it in. No more hiding who I wanna be. This is me."

Lately I've felt that people and the world are trying to take that away from me. 
I finally got to the point in my life where I loved who I was and where I was going. It wasn't the cookie cutter, picture perfect image that many people assumed I would create. Being a privately educated, Christian, strong-willed woman, most people see wholesome white picket fences chasing after my dreams. That's not where I am right now. But I love me. 

Then, all the sudden it was like no one approved or no one could understand why I was doing what I was doing. 

In their defense, half of my decisions now are made on the spot. So I don't have a lot of time to weigh the pros and cons.
But in my defense, I process and learn by talking out loud. The people I tell things to may not be my closest, bestest, most trustworthy friends, but I would still like to think the best in people. That they don't judge others. I am who I am and I shouldn't have to hide it around anyone. Not even strangers.
Back in their defense, they probably don't care about half the shit I tell them, I just need an ear. 

Regardless, I'm tired of people trying to judge me and what I'm doing. Yeah, I've made mistakes and I'm not following the course on which I originally set out. I probably am not the best person I could be right now and I know I've got a lot of skeletons in my closets. But what right does that give anyone to make me feel belittled or unworthy?!

I guess I just feel like everyone is quick to judge and slow to understand. Even if it's not what you want me to be doing or you think I should be doing, it's my life, guys. I've gotta take my own steps and make my own decisions. As friends, you should just be my support. I'm a smart girl. Not everything I do will be perfect (Lets be honest, nothing will be) but everything I do makes me one step closer to the woman I'm becoming. 

I know deep down I'll find that perfect path that is going to be awesome and I'm going to wonder how I ever settled for anything less. But if I didn't have these times of questioning, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. This is real. This is me. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now. Please just understand that.

<3XOT