About a week ago, I started a blog that was all about my view on boys and relationships. I had it all laid out and was chugging along. Then, I started going through all these different scenarios in my head about what could be and if I really thought this. So I put the blog on the back burner and never published it.

Then, one night I was working at Old Navy and I had the biggest breakthrough I think I've ever experienced when it comes to guys. My thought: I choose my future based on who I'm into at the time. I base my love on circumstances.

I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it keeps me with an open mind.
But it also makes it really hard for me to verbalize what I want, and be consistent about it.

I need to start getting grounded on what I  want and not necessarily because there are urges.
I need to start trusting that God has my best intentions in mind. Better intentions than I have.

I now understand why my other blog didn't work. It was just a compilation on fleeting feelings that aren't necessarily what I feel.
But then again, do I really know?

Compass.

Ever since I heard the song on the radio for the first time, I was hooked. Lady A has an amazing voice and their sense of style has only made me fall more in love (Sorry, it's more hipster-ish, but damn, it's good!) Each time I hear it, my mind races three different ways: My life, the person I love, and the One who love me. I tried to combine them all together into how my mind follows, I hope you can track.

So, their words are in Black, and my meanings will be in Red.

Alright
Yeah it's been a bumpy road
Roller coasters
High and low

There's all this crap and chaos and beauty around me. There's being away from home and my work. There's different stuff weighing me down, like the fear of being alone. I just want to get away - which is why I came to MN.

Fill the tank and drive the car
You wanna give up 'cause it's dark
So let your heart, sweet heart
When it's all said and done
I think sometimes God is calling me to just let go and trust Him. He's asking me to follow him and trust that it will be alright. Because He can't wait for me to be back in His arms. He's given so much for me to be afraid and turn away.

Pedal fast, pedal hard
You won't have to go that far

  

Sometimes, I just need to get out of my slump and go. I need to stop saying, "What if?" or "Why me?" but I need to start asking "What can I do to improve myself or others today?" The answer is right there. I can see it. I just am too worried about all the other crap holding me back that I forget to look forward.

We're really not that far apart

I really think that sometimes, I can't see the light and what opportunities are out there so I stop before it's too soon. When what's waiting for me is right within my reach. 

Be your compass when you're lost
And you should follow it wherever it may go

Sometimes, I just need to let go of the crap inside my head telling me to quit. The cliche that says listen to your heart. Yeah, it's there for a reason. So many good things have happened when I listened to my heart. I'm here, aren't I? This is good. I'm the envy of some and an example for most. I took the leap that many are afraid to do. That's what I hold onto when I get sad. I just say, "I did it." - And that comes from the heart.

You can walk instead of run
'Cause no matter what you'll never be alone (never be alone) oh oh oh
Never be alone oh oh oh

Running is great. Running away from your problems, running to the next best thing, running out of time - is not so great. I think sometimes I wait until it's crucial to do something and then I'm caught running. But, if I listen to my heart and do what I need to do (Sans excuses) I will be able to walk. And walking means I get to enjoy the people. I like that. Cause I've got awesome friends that will never leave me alone.

Forgot directions on your way
Don't close your eyes don't be afraid
We might be crazy late at night I can't wait til you arrive
Follow stars you'll be alright

You wanna give up 'cause it's dark

We're really not that far apart

So let your heart, sweet heart

Be your compass when you're lost

And you should follow it wherever it may go

When it's all said and done

You can walk instead of run

'Cause no matter what you'll never be alone (never be alone) oh oh oh

Never be alone oh oh oh

You wanna give up 'cause it's dark

We're really not that far apart

So let your heart, sweet heart

Be your compass when you're lost

And you should follow it wherever it may go

When it's all said and done

You can walk instead of run

'Cause no matter what you'll never be alone (never be alone) oh oh oh

Never be alone oh oh oh

When it's all said and done

You can walk instead of run

'Cause no matter what you'll never be alone

There's a lot in life that is begging me to be negative and hold me back. It's out there, asking me to fail and asking me to give up on my dreams. But there is something else out there that is giving me the hope to hold on. He's giving me the power to follow my heart and trust Him. I mean, if I'm honest with myself, when has He ever let me down. Even if it wasn't what I wanted or needed, I learned from the situation and grew from it.

And at the end of this song, after dancing and bobbing and singing out loud, my heart gets a reality check. The check is that I'm not following my heart…I used to. Now I'm complacent. So what's going to change, where am I headed next, and what does God have in store for me now. 

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