There's a few thing about me that I'm not used to. I used to think being a free spirit would satisfy all my cravings. I'd meet new people and see new places. But there are a few things I miss out on by being away from the people I love.
I have felt this for a while, but now that I just did my love language quiz again, I realize that it's real feelings and not just homesickness. That there are some things in life you do *need* to be happy. And I know I will get there, no matter where I am. So for future friends...here's what you need to know about me. And the ones I have now, keep doing what you're doing. You rock.
#1 - Physical Touch
This is my top, and will always be my top Love Language. I need the hugs and the cuddling and the hand holding. It doesn't have to be romantic, although, I'm not opposed to that. But, shaking hands with 500 people doesn't solve my problems. Meeting more people doesn't do anything either. I need genuine people who want to watch movies with me. Or do physical activities with me. But it doesn't even need to be big. It could be putting your hand on my arm when we talk. Small things are just as important. But you've gotta mean it...
#2 - Words of Affirmation
This one is very difficult to differentiate. I don't need you to tell me I look good or that I have awesome hair (would would say that anyway?!?! haha!) I need you to affirm your feelings towards me. I need you to open up and speak truth to me. Just because you're talking to me, doesn't mean you're saying anything. Texting all day doesn't mean we've had a good conversation. Quality over quantity matters. Which leads me to my third point.
#3 - Quality Time
Being around people doesn't mean I feel noticed or loved. Just because I'm out in public doesn't mean that it's quality time. I'd rather have 2 hours with a group of people that I know actually care about me, then spend 10 hours sitting somewhere just having surface conversations with people.
There's part of me that likes the idea of being a "stranger in a city, where no one will know me" but there's also a part of me that needs close ones and needs the time spent with them. I'm getting there. It's all about progress. But, I can't help but think everyone I left behind...
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Holidays
It's a funny thing. Easter and Fourth of July are the only holidays I remember. And if we're being honest, I never know the date of Easter, I just know because I was raised in the church and participated in Holy Week (which I love and believe in, by the way). I also don't think of Christmas as December 25. I think of it as December 25th as my birthday and Christmas has been a "season" so far in my life.
Which means today, Valentine's Day, would've been forgotten by me, if it weren't for society. It would've been Friday February 14, 2014. I would've written the date 2/14/14 and did one of the little number diddies that I always do with numbers - two fourteens, 2/14/14. And I would've gotten on with my day. I would've sat at the coffee shop, got my oil changed and made stir fry just like I did today. But I wouldn't have had this nudging feeling like I was missing something.
I think, as I've grown up and lived my life, I've given my heart away. Little pieces at a time. To people who deserve it. People that I would give my life for. All to different degrees, though. But, since it's Valentine's Day, I've been thinking so much about my heart. And I've decided it's not wholly mine anymore. And I've decided I'm quite alright with that.
I want to be that person that loves, unconditionally. The girl who wears my heart on my sleeve and lets myself be vulnerable. I want people to know that they matter and they mean something to me. I don't want to hold back. I want to be real and open and vibrant with people. And if that means that my heart isn't wholly mine, and if that means that even when someone leaves my life, they stay in my heart, I don't mind.
I may say I love you and I may show affection to many people, much more than others. But I mean it. I never say it if I don't mean it. I may act "young, wild, and free" at times, but that's just surface. I enjoy it in the moment, but they don't get my heart. They get my smiles and hugs and laugh. But the ones that I say I love you too. The ones that I can give smiles, hugs, laughs on top of stories, my time, my energy and most of all, my heart. THOSE are the ones I love.
So, yeah, it's Valentine's Day and I don't have a "Valentine". But so many people have a piece of my heart, and I feel like I have pieces of theirs, and isn't that what Hallmark wanted? Hearts on everything. Well there ya go.
If you want part of it, hit me up. I'd love to get to know you. And I mean that...from the bottom of my heart.
Which means today, Valentine's Day, would've been forgotten by me, if it weren't for society. It would've been Friday February 14, 2014. I would've written the date 2/14/14 and did one of the little number diddies that I always do with numbers - two fourteens, 2/14/14. And I would've gotten on with my day. I would've sat at the coffee shop, got my oil changed and made stir fry just like I did today. But I wouldn't have had this nudging feeling like I was missing something.
I think, as I've grown up and lived my life, I've given my heart away. Little pieces at a time. To people who deserve it. People that I would give my life for. All to different degrees, though. But, since it's Valentine's Day, I've been thinking so much about my heart. And I've decided it's not wholly mine anymore. And I've decided I'm quite alright with that.
I want to be that person that loves, unconditionally. The girl who wears my heart on my sleeve and lets myself be vulnerable. I want people to know that they matter and they mean something to me. I don't want to hold back. I want to be real and open and vibrant with people. And if that means that my heart isn't wholly mine, and if that means that even when someone leaves my life, they stay in my heart, I don't mind.
I may say I love you and I may show affection to many people, much more than others. But I mean it. I never say it if I don't mean it. I may act "young, wild, and free" at times, but that's just surface. I enjoy it in the moment, but they don't get my heart. They get my smiles and hugs and laugh. But the ones that I say I love you too. The ones that I can give smiles, hugs, laughs on top of stories, my time, my energy and most of all, my heart. THOSE are the ones I love.
So, yeah, it's Valentine's Day and I don't have a "Valentine". But so many people have a piece of my heart, and I feel like I have pieces of theirs, and isn't that what Hallmark wanted? Hearts on everything. Well there ya go.
If you want part of it, hit me up. I'd love to get to know you. And I mean that...from the bottom of my heart.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Isaiah.
Do you ever think that you were just meant to hear something?
I've been battling 3 things over the last few months: My career, my finances, and my relationships.
Those are big things. Like, really big things. Like, affect my life big.
So what have I been doing about it. Weeping, mostly. But also, I've been searching high and low for the "reason" all these things are happening in my life. I've been looking for who is going to make me feel special. I've been lusting after an African Safari and how much I'll have to save to get there. I've been wandering what my end goal of my career will be.
Then, out of nowhere, TWICE this weekend I've heard the most calming thing I've ever heard.
A very wise professor and my pastor both hit the nail on the head.
"The Lord does not waste and thing." and "There's no wasted years when you are serving the Lord."
They both (in their respective nature) assured me that I am on the right path, God is taking care of me, and that I've been magnifying my problems and forgetting what God is doing in my life.
The verse that was with the sermon today was in Isaiah 40.
Verses 10-11, specifically.
"Behold, the Lord God shall come with a strong hand, and his arm shall rule for Him; Behold, His reward is with Him, and His work before Him. He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young."
I'm not sure where that's going to take me, I'm a natural worrier and planner, so I always like to have a handle on things. But I think I'll be able to sit back and realize that it may not be today or tomorrow that I can afford that African Safari. But, God has a plan for me.
And I can always remember Isaiah 40: 29-31
"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
I've been battling 3 things over the last few months: My career, my finances, and my relationships.
Those are big things. Like, really big things. Like, affect my life big.
So what have I been doing about it. Weeping, mostly. But also, I've been searching high and low for the "reason" all these things are happening in my life. I've been looking for who is going to make me feel special. I've been lusting after an African Safari and how much I'll have to save to get there. I've been wandering what my end goal of my career will be.
Then, out of nowhere, TWICE this weekend I've heard the most calming thing I've ever heard.
A very wise professor and my pastor both hit the nail on the head.
"The Lord does not waste and thing." and "There's no wasted years when you are serving the Lord."
They both (in their respective nature) assured me that I am on the right path, God is taking care of me, and that I've been magnifying my problems and forgetting what God is doing in my life.
The verse that was with the sermon today was in Isaiah 40.
Verses 10-11, specifically.
"Behold, the Lord God shall come with a strong hand, and his arm shall rule for Him; Behold, His reward is with Him, and His work before Him. He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young."
I'm not sure where that's going to take me, I'm a natural worrier and planner, so I always like to have a handle on things. But I think I'll be able to sit back and realize that it may not be today or tomorrow that I can afford that African Safari. But, God has a plan for me.
And I can always remember Isaiah 40: 29-31
"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
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