Holidays

It's a funny thing. Easter and Fourth of July are the only holidays I remember. And if we're being honest, I never know the date of Easter, I just know because I was raised in the church and participated in Holy Week (which I love and believe in, by the way).  I also don't think of Christmas as December 25. I think of it as December 25th as my birthday and Christmas has been a "season" so far in my life.

Which means today, Valentine's Day, would've been forgotten by me, if it weren't for society. It would've been Friday February 14, 2014. I would've written the date 2/14/14 and did one of the little number diddies that I always do with numbers - two fourteens, 2/14/14. And I would've gotten on with my day. I would've sat at the coffee shop, got my oil changed and made stir fry just like I did today. But I wouldn't have had this nudging feeling like I was missing something.

I think, as I've grown up and lived my life, I've given my heart away. Little pieces at a time. To people who deserve it. People that I would give my life for. All to different degrees, though. But, since it's Valentine's Day, I've been thinking so much about my heart. And I've decided it's not wholly mine anymore. And I've decided I'm quite alright with that.

I want to be that person that loves, unconditionally. The girl who wears my heart on my sleeve and lets myself be vulnerable. I want people to know that they matter and they mean something to me.  I don't want to hold back. I want to be real and open and vibrant with people. And if that means that my heart isn't wholly mine, and if that means that even when someone leaves my life, they stay in my heart, I don't mind.

I may say I love you and I may show affection to many people, much more than others. But I mean it. I never say it if I don't mean it. I may act "young, wild, and free" at times, but that's just surface. I enjoy it in the moment, but they don't get my heart. They get my smiles and hugs and laugh. But the ones that I say I love you too. The ones that I can give smiles, hugs, laughs on top of stories, my time, my energy and most of all, my heart. THOSE are the ones I love.

So, yeah, it's Valentine's Day and I don't have a "Valentine". But so many people have a piece of my heart, and I feel like I have pieces of theirs, and isn't that what Hallmark wanted? Hearts on everything. Well there ya go.

If you want part of it, hit me up. I'd love to get to know you. And I mean that...from the bottom of my heart.