Clean Eating Challenge: Philosophy

Here we go (again) on another Arbonne 28-day Clean Eating Challenge.

I've done these before.
I do these a couple times a year.

It's a restart.
It's a slow down.
It's a redo on my health.

The challenge takes away the six common food allergens (Wheat/Gluten, Dairy, Refined Sugar, Alcohol, Soy and Corn) and replaces them with healthy things (Quinoa, Veggies, Almond Milk, Eggs). The challenge also adds detoxing products that allow your colon, kidneys and other abused intestines to calm the heck down.

So I made some goals.
Never have I written down *WHY* I'm doing these Clean Eating Challenges.
But I did this time.

#1 - Remind myself daily to make healthy choices.
#2 - Lose the crap food cravings.
#3 - Shape up!

I know there will be challenges.
I know there will be obstacles.
I know I will get over them.

#1 - Be prepared with my food, and remember the end goal.
#2 - Have healthy substitutes on hand, and don't put myself in a position to cheat.
#3 - Prioritize. More energy means a better use of time.

And I have a philosophy.
I have a *WHY* not just a *HOW*

#1 - What do I know about food's relation to health? I know that food is fuel. I know that having pure food put in your body helps digest it better, giving you the positive energy you need to stay ahead in the busy life I lead. I know that food isn't a reward or a celebration. It's something that should be enjoyed and something that has potential to give your tastebuds a run for their money.
#2 - How do you hold that knowledge about food and health? I hold it in my head. I *know* what it takes to be healthy. But I don't always act upon it. I hold it to a semi-high standard. I don't always see food as a way to make me healthy, sometimes I see it as a cravings-buster, or sometimes I see it as a way to fill up. I don't always need to be healthy - that's what I hold on to, but that's not what I want.
#3 - How does what I know and how I hold it affect what I do? Most of the time I take a 70/30 approach. Then, as life gets busy, I sleep into a 60/40, 50/50, 40/60 and then when I hit 30/70, i realize that I need to whip myself in shape again. Leading to another detox. Sometimes I just need a healthy reminder to hold on to the things that I know.

That's all for now. My detox starts on November 2nd.
More to come and more knowledge to share with you all.
I'm excited to see where this journey takes me!

<3XOT

The Vulnerability of a Breakup

Guys, I'm going through a break up.
Like, it happened months ago, but I'm still going through it.
There's not an end in sight.

I've processed this with my closest girlfriends and my mom. But somehow nothing really clicked until I watched THIS.

Please watch it first, or you're not going to understand what I'm talking about.

So I've never really been in love before.
I've never given everything that I am to one person before.
And that was on purpose.
I didn't want to be vulnerable.

Now, let's back up one more step.

I'm open.
I'm outgoing.
I'm honest.

But I will not allow myself to be vulnerable.
There is a difference.

Two steps forward.

So I get in this relationship.
I make that connection.
The one that forces me to rethink who I am, and what I want out of life.
The one that kinda knocks me off my feet and I realize that maybe life isn't always about what I write in my planner.
It's a connection that is on the deepest level.
"Connection is why we're here." - Brene

And that's where the vulnerability comes into play.
Brene does a great job of explaining it, so I won't.
But I felt excruciatingly vulnerable the whole relationship (in the negative sense).
I didn't say "I love you" until he said it first.
I didn't suggest things I thought he might not like.
I worked my ass off to be what I thought he wanted out of a girl.
Because if he knew who I really was, he may not like me.

Now that sounds super depressing, yeah?
Well it wasn't like I wasn't being open, outgoing, or honest.
I was just reshaping my thoughts.
I was trying to be someone who was worthy.
I was giving myself a chance to see things from a different perspective.
I was just doing life, without being vulnerable (in the positive sense).

"The one thing that keeps us out of connection, is the fear that we're not worthy of connection."

It's an interesting thing, breakups.
Because they cause you to reflect on what life really is to you.
It forces you to understand who you are without someone by your side.
It challenges you to be ok on your own.
To have no connection, but still be worthy.

That was one battle I faced early on in the breakup.
I tried to justify things; I was too busy, too career driven, too unavailable.
And maybe all that was true.
But it didn't mean I wasn't worthy.

But somehow losing that connection made me feel just like that; unworthy.

Brene spins this around.
And this will be the biggest take away from the last 15 months of my life.
I am worthy.

What does that look like for me now?
Now that I don't have a connection to my ex?
What does that mean for my life?

"To fully embrace vulnerability."
"It's necessary."
"The willingness to say 'I love you' first."
"The willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out."

"I know that vulnerability is kinda the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness.
BUT it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love."

So what is my strategy?
What am I doing with my vulnerability.

Stop numbing it.
Stop feeding my emotion ice cream.
Because that numbs my joy.
Stop drinking the loneliness.
Because it drown the gratitude.

Stop making everything certain.
I'll never know why.
I'll never know how you can stop loving someone (at least not yet).
I'll never have an answer.

Stop perfecting.
My life will never be perfect.
No matter how skinny, smart or pretty I am, that won't bring him back.
Perfection isn't wired into us.
So it won't happen.

Stop pretending.
My attitude affects those around me.
My gossip and pity, is their gossip and pity.
No matter how many times I call him names or say I hate him, it doesn't mean he'll love me.
It means my friends have to roll their eyes one more time.

Do be vulnerable.
To love with my whole heart, even though there's no guarantee.

Do practice gratitude and joy.
To stop thinking the worst and embrace the thankfulness.

Do believe I'm enough.
Be kind and gentle.


I'm not saying this will happen over night.
I'm not saying this will happen over the next month.
But I'm saying it will be worth it.

To find myself in a place where I allow myself to love and be loved again.
To find myself in a place where I can make a mistake and be forgiven.
To find myself in a place where I am worthy of it all.


Sorry for the gibberish.
I hope you watch Brene Brown's video.
It's changed my life, and I hope it changes yours, too.

<3XOT

Oh How the Tables Have Turned

The last time I wrote was March 20th.
March freaking 20th.
That's over two months.

It's probably because I've been filling my extra time with One Tree Hill.
Or maybe it's the insane work schedule, extra curricular activities, and normal life that I was trying to balance.

In those couple of months, I've been striving to be someone I'm not.
I've been striving to be someone who looks fun on Facebook, and sounds fun at a party, and does more than anyone else, just to say I did it.

There was no gain in any of that.

It kinda sent me into a month-long journey.
A journey I didn't know I was on until it was over.
And not that my total journey is over.
I just think I'm done walking down that path.

Down the path of inconsideration.
Down the path of selfishness and self-righteousness.
Down the path of believing my time is more valuable than anyone else's.

Life got out of hand.
I became too busy.
I didn't have time to think of others, talk about others, put other's before me.
Because I was too busy making sure they did that for me.
And too busy making excuses of why they should do that for me.

I made sure they knew what I was saying, and thinking, and making time for me.
Me. Me. Me. I. I. I.

Gosh, I just cringe thinking about how awful it got.

And now my life is upside down.
I'm off my mountain top and back down in the valley.
And things are not neatly aligned liked they should be.

But even through all that, even through the selfishness and self-righteousness, my friends and family drew closer to me than I deserved.
And when I fell down that mountainside, face first, at 100mph, each and every one of them were there to hear me out.

To hear me talk.
About Me. Me. Me. I. I. I.

But like I said, I'm done going down that path.
I needed that reminder of how much I can lose and how amazing my life is the way it is.
That I don't need to strive to be someone I'm not.

So now, I'm moving forward.
Now, I'm taking those lessons and I'm moving forward.

And I don't know how that's going to change my future.
I don't know what God has in store for me.
I don't know how long it's going to recover from this journey.

But I know I'm done walking it.
I'm done living in this selfish way.
And I'm getting back to where I was.

Because that girl is alright by me.

<3XOT

Balanced.

In my current state of life, the common theme has been balance.

Balance at work.
Balance at home.
Balance with friends.
Balance with activities.
Balance with diet.
Balance with fitness.

I am out of balance.
I've taken on too much. I've given too much to certain people. I've not done enough.
I am out of balance.

And I was thinking about that. I was thinking about how overwhelmed I am. I was thinking that the teeter-tatter was very one sided. And it depended on the subject to what side was up and what side was down.

Then the most miraculous thing happened. I finally had a breakthrough to let the recovery begin.

I was at yoga one Monday night and my instructor (and good friend, little Miss Anna!) ended our practice by saying -- What can you take away from this practice of balance that you can move into your every day life? (Or something to that affect, I don't remember verbatim).
And it got me thinking, in yoga, to stay balanced, you have to use all your muscles.
My favorite right now (and the one pose I'm working towards mastering) is crow pose.

In crow pose, you balance on your arms. But if you use only your arms, you fall over.
You have to have the proper eye alignment, you have to hold your abs, you have to engage your legs, back, and even feet. Or, you fall over.

In my life, I wasn't using balance. I wasn't engaging all parts of my life to move from day to day.
I was thinking:
Monday, yoga.
Tuesday, date night.
Wednesday, Verve.
Thursday, Connect.
Friday, clean up my house.
Saturday, editing, bills, scheduling.
Sunday, sleep.
And that's just the extra things. And all these extra things come with their own set of responsibilities, planning, and action. And when I tried to divide each one into it's own certain day, I fell over.

Then, that one precious night at yoga got me thinking about how I can use the different parts of my life to work together. To feed off of each other. How can my Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday set me up for a great second half of the week? How can my Saturday, Sunday, set me up for a fruitful Monday?

First, I think that comes from delegation. Delegating certain tasks to certain people. Not trying to do it all by myself. That's why I'm on TEAMS, because other people want to help, and are capable of helping. I need to be able to look at something and see it for what it is. Not get attached, not get emotional about it. Other people can help. And I need to have faith in them.
Second, I think it comes from letting out what needs to be said. I do a good job of talking, but I also do a great job of bottling things up. I let is swirl around in my head until the "perfect time" before I say it. And, SURPRISE, there is no perfect time. So it never gets said. And I just think about it. I just let it eat away at me. And it makes me more emotional, and more resentful, and I tend to eat a lot more and sleep a lot less.
Thirdly, I think I need to go with the flow. I need to be able to say yes when it's good and no when it's not. If someone asks to go out and have fun, I need to not immediately turn to my calendar to see if I have the time. I need to just go do it. And enjoy life. But I also need to know that I can't stay out til midnight every day and expect to be worth anything at work. I need to know that I can say yes, I'll do something every evening during the week and think I can cram all of my personal stuff into the weekend, when I'm so tired all I want to do is relax.
Lastly, I need to be aware of what will benefit me and what will harm me. Emotional eating = hurt. Cake pops at the department meeting = beneficial. Losing sleep to workout = hurt. Running by the lake = beneficial. This last one is especially true in my food and exercise world. Because I'm very much an emotional eater and very much a lazy person. I need to find the balance between making my body feel good and just stuffing it full of hamburgers and beer.

I'm in no way perfect at this. As a matter of fact, I'd say I'm making about 5% headway on these action plans. But I have created such a hole that 5% is really good.

5% means I'm so much farther from where I started.
5% means I've started.

Where can you find more balance in your life?
How can you learn to use all your muscles in your life?

I'm sure everyone has a different answer.
But I'm going to try to improve on these four things this summer.

<3XOT

Follow Your Passions

I've really been thinking about what my passions are lately.

Like, the ice breaker question when someone asks me what my hobbies are.
My normal answer is work. Because I really like what I do.
But then they ask "No, like in your free time."
And then I make up something like swimming or running or cooking or baking.
Which I like to do, but never really thought that it was a hobby.

But lately I've been thinking. And I think that to have a hobby, you must be passionate about it.
So maybe all those years I was just thinking I had no hobbies, but I just had some passions.

Although some things changed a little, I would say my passions are relatively the same and I've been so privileged to get to put those to work. My passions are:
1. Media
2. High Schoolers
3. Cooking
4. Outdoors

Christine, Me, Emma - making VerveCreative grow <3

I've only lived in Minnesota for 18 months. Can you believe that? It's felt like a lifetime.
But I've been able to connect and get involved with my church and other people and create lasting relationships. Through that, I've been able to LIVE MY PASSIONS.

In this fast-paced world, that's so hard for so many people to do. They always say "I want to do this…" or "I wish I had time for that…" But, I just decided that I was going to go all in and do it. And the results have been fantastic.

This past weekend, I got to go up for a day and and play with the Verve Youth Group, as they experienced God mixed with fun. Not only did I get to go down a snow tube for the first time (and walk up the giant hill), but I got to take cameras with me. Outside, I mostly did GoPro work, but inside, I got to grab the 5D and shoot away. Even though I was dead tired, it was an experience that brightened my whole day.

On top of that, every other Thursday, I meet with a Connect Group and we talk about the sermon from the previous week at church. It's so awesome to see what kind of people come together and the conversations are endless. (Literally, we force ourselves to separate at 11pm…) That fills me so much, but I also get to cook for these people every week.
And if you know me at all, I love being able to feed people. I regularly say "I wish I could feed the world." And I'm working on that.

Among so many other things…dinners with friends, coffee with friends, running around the lakes, laying out by the lakes, visiting different places with people…I've been able to fuel my passions and really thrive in this city.

I have an endless list of people who I'm thankful for making this happen (#1 is my mom) and it's so encouraging to get to be part of these groups and do what I love every week, and every day for that matter.

If you feel stuck or you're struggling to find where you belong, I dare you to follow your passions…and maybe turn them into hobbies…find time for what YOU want to do and what makes YOU happy. I promise you great things will come of it. Great people will come of it. And you will be able to look back and say that you tried.

<3XOT

My Food List

So because I've been a million different directions these last few weeks, I can't think of anything direct to say. Which causes problems when you're trying to write a blog.

But, throughout the weeks, I've been privileged to cook for many people.
Again, it's too scattered to make a direct post.
But awesome and tasty, nonetheless.
And each time I made something I thought - I should blog about that - and then never did.
So here I am.

And like any stereotypical blogger, I'm going to make a list.
A list of all my yummy food.
And maybe some pictures.

1. Veggie Chili - PALEO
- I LOVED this, friends loved this, man friend loved this
- I used my own Penzeys Spices instead of the ones on this recipe

2. Coconut Lemon Bars - GLUTEN FREE/DAIRY FREE
- I don't normally love lemon, but I liked these
- I used coconut sugar instead of white, so it made them darker, but still worked
3. Sugar Cookies - GLUTEN FREE/DAIRY FREE
- Unless you really have these allergies, I wouldn't recommend these
- I used too much baking soda AND baking powder, but they were still really crumbly and dry

4. Chicken Kale Veggie Soup - PALEO
- I don't like kale, but I ate this
- I don't like kale, but I ate this again
5. Chocolate Chip Cookies - GLUTEN FREE
- I LOVED these
- I used dairy free butter and it worked just as well
6. Pistachio Pesto Chicken Spaghetti Squash Pasta (out of my OMG that's Paleo cookbook)
- Kinda love forever
- First time using spaghetti squash

7.  Carrot and Coconut Soup (out of my Trader Joe's cookbook)

- Yummm 

- First time using yellow curry

8. Chickpea chicken and potato soup (out of my Trader Joe's cookbook)
- LOVED it
- simple and easy

Follow some of these links and check out these other blogs.
Most of these are paleo and gluten-free and totally healthy.
Most of them take no time to make.

Share food with the world, I promise this will make you happy.
<3XOT

I Am Not A Tree.

I wear heels and lipstick most days.
My favorite activities are yoga and cooking.
I eat spinach and quinoa.
I cuss and drink wine.

I'm doing a job I love.
I'm volunteering with my church.
I'm in two, well one and a half, leadership roles.
I put in 12 hour days, most days.
I've got a great group of friends.

If anyone would've told me five years ago that all this would be true. I would have laughed in their face. Five years ago, I wanted nothing but to move to New York to be the next Diane Sawyer. I wanted to be a new anchor for a morning show and live in a big city and get out of small town Indiana. I never wanted kids, pets, marriage, or anything that could slow me down.

My perspective has really changed over the last couple years. Well, mostly the last two. I have done a 360 on how I view the world, my life, and the people around me. It's taken some time and a lot of soul searching - I still regularly have break downs and epiphanies - but I'm working on opening my mind, body, soul…and heart…to whatever life will throw my way.

I wanted to share with you the Top Five things I've come to realize over the last few years.
In no particular order.

1. On living in the moment: It's always a journey. Nothing is now, because as soon as it happens, it's gone. And then we start looking to the past. It's more of a balance that I'm striving for.

2. On food: Food is poison or it is fuel. You have to choose how you're going to let it affect your body - for good or harm.

3. On growth: Never be afraid to ask why. People know far more than me in some areas, but I know far more than them in others. It's not a bad thing to want to learn.

4. On family: Near or far, doing anything for them is how you should live. Even if they don't do anything for you.

5. About relationships: People are going to test your patience. They will fail you. They will send your mind in a fit. People are human — and they're going to act like it.

Now obviously that's a very all-inclusive, vague list. But it's things that I've battled with for years, and even recently. It's a constant desire to better myself and others around me. I am constantly changing. Life is constantly changing. And I want to enjoy the ride.

But please don't tell my mom I like spinach.

<3XOT