I've been hopping from one thing to the other and my mind has been filled with dates, meetings, commitments, and how to balance life.
I look back and wonder what I got done?
Did I complete anything?
The answer is yes.
Through it all, my lists got made, everything got checked off, and it all came together.
And somewhere in the middle, I had an epiphany.
It's my nature to be a planner.
I focus on details.
I am a master lister.
If I say I'll do it, I'll do it.
I am a planner and shit gets done.
So, the epiphany:
I used to think I didn't live in the moment because I was always planning.
However, I'm realizing I do enjoy life and what I'm doing day to day, even though I live my life based off of the plans I make. I do live in the moment, but plan 5 steps ahead and that's why I worry. That's where my stress comes from.
So to stop being so stressed and worrisome, my new goal is to start focusing on the joy that I feel during those moments, not how much more I have to do.
You wanna know what I've done in the past few weeks?
I've planned an awesome party for my sister's shower from 10 hours away, I went to the Minnesota State Fair, I've ran 5 miles all at once, I've spent time with families and children who mean so much to me, I've volunteered, I've rearranged my room, I've driven to Michigan, had job interviews, and planned my trip home.
None of that has been taken for granted and each opportunity that I faced, I breathed in the joy that it brought. I wouldn't change it for anything. The experiences, people, and places have given me more happiness than I can express. And I felt that happiness as it came.
I'm not saying change is going to happen overnight, because it's not, but I think I don't need to be so hard on myself because my life plan hasn't come together. I'm working on a way to continue my life at 100mph, but focusing on the joy I'm feeling as I do it. I know I enjoy myself and the people in my life - and that's going to be my sole focus.
<3XOT
No comments:
Post a Comment