#tbt

Those of you who have only met me in the last five years may not know some things about me.
I used to be insecure.

The other day I picked up one of my old books that my small group did in high school called "Finding Out Who You Really Are".
It's a book that answers questions of how you see yourself and who you want to be - and how it lines up with God's plan for you.

I picked it up because I'm realizing I don't know how to answer those questions anymore. Over the last year (Yes, I've been in Minneapolis for a whole year now!!) so much of me has changed. I've gotten smarter, more independent, more reckless, more secure, more motivated, and more free. Just to name a few ways.

Moreover, in the last 5 years, I've become a totally different person.
My physical body has transformed from something I was ashamed of to something I'm proud to take care of.
My spiritual body has transformed from my beliefs merging with my parents into a belief system all of my own.
My emotional/mental body has transformed from my circle of friends and mothers care into a grown woman facing the world as an individual with a massive support system.

It's really just funny to sit down and see the differences of how I see the world now.
For instance, the first chapter's very first question is: Go ahead and list three things you really dislike about yourself.
My 16-year-old answers were: My hair, it never does what I want. I think I'm too fat. My toes are nasty…end of discussion.  (WTF, Tricia. Your toes, really?!? You thought people cared about your toes?!?!)
Seven years later my answers have become much different. Deeper, really. Two out of three of them are about my inner self. The way I think and the way I talk to people.

Question 11 asks something that I am still thinking about. So I can have an honest answer and actually take the steps to do it. It asks: What do I think I would really care about 100 years from now?
16-year-old me: If I was who I wanted to be and loved the way I wanted to be loved. (Thanks, I couldn't have been a little more specific?! Who remembers how they wanted to be loved at 16? Oh yeah…The Notebook.)

It's funny, really the way I've changed inside. The way I put my attitude first, rather than my appearance. (Don't get me wrong, I still own loots of mirrors.) And that some things haven't changed at all. I still like the color orange, the month december, flamingos, chicken, trucks, snow and Washington DC.

But, I'm glad I've changed. I'm glad I'm a little less worried that I might be fat or ugly and more worried about if I'm making myself, others, and God happy. And when I'm 123-years-old, it's not going to be my toes that I'm thinking of, but the mark I've left on the world.

<3XOT