Finding Your Own Happiness

I was unhappy.
Mostly with myself. Because my life wasn't turning out the way I wanted. How I had planned.
I wasn't on the road to a million dollar position in the field I loved. I wasn't on the road to marriage, although the majority of my friends were married or well on their way. I wasn't summer body ready, because I had enjoyed one too many bowls of ice cream. I wasn't able to be close to my family and friends in Indiana and have them comfort me through the rough spots.
I was unhappy.

So what were my options now?
I could run away. I could go back to my comfort zone and stop chasing my dreams and stop exploring (like I've ALWAYS wanted to do).
I could rebel. I could just say f**k you to the world and go all crazy and just live a reckless life.
I could find the things in my life that I have and I could be happy again.

I just so desperately wanted to be happy. Whatever that meant.
Owl City's new release did a great job of explaining it:
"I fought all through the night

Oh, oh, but I made it aliveThe sun stormed arrivesOh, oh, these are BEAUTIFUL TIMESThis part of my life is so hard, so hard, so hard,But I'm gonna survive!Oh, oh, these are BEAUTIFUL TIMES!"


I don't have a million dollar position in the field I love, but I have a job. I have a reason to get up in the mornings and go to work and build my resume. I have a purpose and a place in a company. It's my first job. You don't graduate into being a CEO.
I don't have a significant other, no. But I have love. For many different people in different ways. And most importantly, I have love for myself. And I know who I was and what I've done and I know that I won't put up with anything less than what I deserve. And that hasn't got here yet. Yet.
I've never had a summer body, who am I kidding? But I'm healthy. I'm in shape. I can go put on my little running pants and make it around the lake. I can do yoga and zumba. I can eat oranges and ice cream (sometimes in the same day). I can be me.
I'm not close to my family, physically, but I've learned that proximity doesn't make you any closer. They are there for me, 100% of the time. Even from 650 miles away, not a single one of them has forgotten about me and has given me more than I could ever have asked. Every single one of them.

I was unhappy about my circumstances. I was unhappy I didn't have it all.
So I prayed. For months. For some kind of sign. For some kind of door to open.
I never got an answer. Until recently.
And when it rains, it pours. And it is pouring good things on me.
I'm still working out the kinks of how to be an adult and do this thing called life. But being unhappy while you're doing it is never the way to go.

I know that now.

Now, I am happy.