Oh How the Tables Have Turned

The last time I wrote was March 20th.
March freaking 20th.
That's over two months.

It's probably because I've been filling my extra time with One Tree Hill.
Or maybe it's the insane work schedule, extra curricular activities, and normal life that I was trying to balance.

In those couple of months, I've been striving to be someone I'm not.
I've been striving to be someone who looks fun on Facebook, and sounds fun at a party, and does more than anyone else, just to say I did it.

There was no gain in any of that.

It kinda sent me into a month-long journey.
A journey I didn't know I was on until it was over.
And not that my total journey is over.
I just think I'm done walking down that path.

Down the path of inconsideration.
Down the path of selfishness and self-righteousness.
Down the path of believing my time is more valuable than anyone else's.

Life got out of hand.
I became too busy.
I didn't have time to think of others, talk about others, put other's before me.
Because I was too busy making sure they did that for me.
And too busy making excuses of why they should do that for me.

I made sure they knew what I was saying, and thinking, and making time for me.
Me. Me. Me. I. I. I.

Gosh, I just cringe thinking about how awful it got.

And now my life is upside down.
I'm off my mountain top and back down in the valley.
And things are not neatly aligned liked they should be.

But even through all that, even through the selfishness and self-righteousness, my friends and family drew closer to me than I deserved.
And when I fell down that mountainside, face first, at 100mph, each and every one of them were there to hear me out.

To hear me talk.
About Me. Me. Me. I. I. I.

But like I said, I'm done going down that path.
I needed that reminder of how much I can lose and how amazing my life is the way it is.
That I don't need to strive to be someone I'm not.

So now, I'm moving forward.
Now, I'm taking those lessons and I'm moving forward.

And I don't know how that's going to change my future.
I don't know what God has in store for me.
I don't know how long it's going to recover from this journey.

But I know I'm done walking it.
I'm done living in this selfish way.
And I'm getting back to where I was.

Because that girl is alright by me.

<3XOT